CharCharChar

Spoiler for Shang Chi: how a relationship is described and where that relationship ends up.   The September 2021 Carnival of Aros theme is LANGUAGE . A significant portion of Aros, I haven’t taken a poll, don’t appreciate the phrase “just friends” because it enforces a relationship hierarchy of romance as superior to friendship.  Someone once questioned this dislike, citing that “just” can be used to clarify “this not that” and doesn’t necessarily mean a value comparison.  For example, “Did you get apples and bananas from the store?” - “No, just bananas.” However, the connotation of “just” tends to be a diminishment.  “What was that noise?” - “Nothing, just goofing around”. In this example, “just” is used to say the noise is nothing to be concerned about because it is less than what the person who heard it and worried thought it might have been. The same thing happens with an accusation that someone is having an affair and the defense that “we are just friends.”...

This post is for the August 2021 Carnival of Aros: Amatonormativity and Wellbeing .  "What are some things you do to mitigate the impact of amatonormativity on yourself, such as with self-care practices?"  I write drabbles (exactly 100 words of fiction) exploring non-amatonormative relationships. Like so: Drabble Time!      “You know how I’m polyamorous?” he asks.       “Mmhmm,” I voice, our cuddling making nodding inconvenient.       “You understand that I tell my partners about my other relationships?”      “What words would you use for this?” I ask.       “You’re physically affectionate, but evasive as soon as I try to define us.”      I grin wide to hide my fear. “Did you know I give fantastic backrubs?”      “I did not know this,” he says. “Are you offering?”      “I am, turn around.”      He complies.   ...

 For pride month I participated in Kathy Trithardt's collab video by recommending three aromantic short stories for " Ace BookTubers Recommend Ace Books ." The original call was for ace/aro content, but based on the title it looks like mainly ace content was recommened, so I've linked to the time code where I talk about the aromantic short stories.  It was great having a deadline and a three story limit, and getting to contribute to a group project during pride month. The following is the transcript of my aromantic short story recommendations.  To Unmask a Witch by agnezztealeaf "This has an old woman who lives in the woods, and there's these three three or four children trying to sneak up on her because they think she's a witch,  and they're looking for proof. And it's just full of mischief and bravery  and not meeting people's expectations and that being okay." A Problem Unsolved by candypeel "features a witch and a love potion...

The March Carnival of Aros is intersectionality and inclusivity .  I'm starting up a local Ace and Aro group . I've been meaning to do it for a while, and I'm getting the ball rolling again. Now is a great time to think about inclusivity. This post focuses on race, but the concepts can be applied to general inclusion of marginalized groups.  The Situation I'm white I'm starting a local ace and aro group I live in a city highly ranked for segregation. *cue the sad confetti* There is an assumption that asexuality/aromanticism/queerness is a "white thing"** Online spaces, queer spaces, and online queer spaces are often white-centric** **I don't recall specifically where I learned the last two points, or what evidence they had, but I believe these points to be true I'm not inventing the Wheel I'm not in this alone. I don't have to figure out how to be inclusive by sitting around with my thoughts.  The  White Supremacy Culture Characteristics ...

 The February 2021 Carnival of Aros topic is Relationship Anarchy. My understanding of Relationship Anarchy is limited to the basic concept of rejecting societal frameworks for what a certain kind of relationship is supposed to be, and instead communicating with the other person how you each want the relationship to function. So let's apply that to family and hugs! Hugs At the beginning of the month, I made a stray remark about trying for a hug a day in February. My mom loved the idea. Can you already see where this is going? I have a hit or miss relationship with hugs. On the one hand, hugs improve mental wellness and I often enjoy human contact. Especially in this time of quarantine, intentionally setting up human contact with people in your bubble is a way to fight against the burnout. I don't always like hugs. Some days they are prickly. When I'm seated and the other person leans down to hug the back of my shoulders. When it's the socially obligated greeting...

It's time for the  Carnival of Aros ! 🎊 The Theme: Stories Life is full of stories: the ones we tell ourselves, the ones we tell others, and the ones we are told. Stories shape perception, expectation, and the fabric of reality. Okay, I'm getting grandiose - the point is I love stories. I love stories so much I would rather talk about how they work than write them or read them 😂 . (I'm working on that.) What is a story you want to tell? What is a story you no longer believe? What is a story you feel is harmful? What kind of story do you want to see? Take this theme anywhere you want to go. Tell a story, real or fictional. Complain about a story, or a recurring theme in stories. Analyze the story line of a movie or fanfic or a podcast. Create an adoptable character sketch for another writer to use. How to Participate Write a blog post  (or any public digital content I can link to) related to the theme. Share the link  in the comments or email me at charcharchar...

 The Carnival of Aros' prompt for December 2020 is Happy Ending . Oh, I just realized that's probably because it's the "end" of the year :P Happiness is an ongoing process, not a one-and-done-dead-end-deal. Happiness takes work to set up and maintain and problem solve. Happiness can require you to push through discomfort, like risking rejection, or starting a passion project you will probably do terribly at first, or flossing. Happiness is paying attention to small happinesses along the way. My neighborhood has been decorating the path with ornaments and holiday knick knacks. I saw a little gnome in a tree, it was cute and surprising and new and heartwarming that the community is doing this together to make each other happy.  What makes me happy may change. I may discover that in reality the kinds of relationships I thought would make me happy, don't. But I can't know that until I try. And I can't really try while there's quarantining (I could kind...

For November Carnvial of Aros: Commitment Last month I posted the following: "For story research / practice / curiosity ... who wants to have a DEFINE THE RELATIONSHIP conversation with me? I am curious if defining relationships would bring me more connection / happiness / calm. If so it'll be good practice for continuing doing that. My characters have to define their relationships, yet I rarely do. So fair's fair." And someone agreed. (They also agreed I could write this blog post) The Research I don't know if this is an aplatonic thing, a me thing, or an internet thing - but I have a very poor memory for interactions with individuals, instead I remember how I feel about interactions in the space or group with a decent memory of specific interactions but not who specifically was involved.  An upside of online relationships is there's a digital trail. I was able to skim through our past interactions to get a baseline for the type of interactions I enjoyed with...

For Carnival of Aros October 2020 Disclaimer: arophobia, specifically internalized arophobia I have felt. June 2020 On yet another walk, "it is better to have loved and lost" popped into my head and struck me as strictly untrue. While there were pleasantries to being in a committed pairing, such social conveniences did not make up for the lurking awareness of the hollowness of my automated reciprocation of romance and the hurt of rejection when they became aware of the disconnect. It dawned on me that defaulting to theoretically panromantic was yet another lie. I stumbled into quoiromantic and then inched myself into the deep end of plain old aro.  I begrudgingly let go of the assumption that eventually I would find my person, something would click, and all the happy romantic entrapments story after story promised me would be mine.   October 2020 I learned the Carnival of Aro's prompt was "priorities". The host asked "how important is aromanticism...

Content Warnings: Aspec in-fighting, erasure, arophobia, policing expression. What is something you believe we as a community could start doing immediately to work towards certain kinds of change? [Image: a chart with two lines with upward trends, but the purple line is steeper than the green.] With Asexual Awareness on the rise, I'm sensing some Aros feel left behind - or even pushed under the bus when (as a hypothetical) an Ace emphasizes their romantic feelings, as if to say romance is the true measure of humanity, not sex, therefore I (the Ace) am human.  As an aroace, I'm watching this rift from the sidelines. So here's my quasi-objective take. [Image: a white person looking through binoculars while crouched between two stacks of books.] In defense of Allo-Aces, it is human to defend yourself against people percieving you as inhuman. It is human to grab at obvious and easily-understood evidence of your humanity. It is human not to think through who you are indirectly h...