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  What did I do? "And I feel like with other orientations there's not that much to research as far as I know? Like if you like the same gender, I don't know, there's not really nuance? Maybe there is? I don't know. If you have an opinion about that comment it." Why is it a problem? Although I catch myself and realize I don't know what I'm talking about - I have set it up that it would be new information to me if realizing you are gay was not inherently simpler than asexuality. I was once upset by someone saying they didn't think it would be that hard or take that long to figure out you were asexual. I feel that seeing someone being skeptical of or struggle to comprehend the existance of your experience can be upsetting. The phrasing also implies that all gay realizations are simple and all ace realizations are complex. What can I do to make amends? I changed the video to unlisted. The only way to view it now is in the context of this blog post.  H...

 After the October 2020 TAAAP conversation about activism and accountability, Cinnamon's point about how POCs shouldn't have had to "throw digital rocks" stuck with me.  This got me thinking about what I can do to not force others to do the emotional labor of calling me out. I started a self-accountability practice where I review past projects knowing what I know now about generalizing and microaggressions. The very first video I checked had a problem, as did many others. I could have quietly erased my past mistakes and made a private note to myself to do better. Instead I chose to take the approach of 1) reduce future harm by removing or flagging the mistake, 2) make amends for the harm already caused, and 3) publicly collect my mistakes.  I made a mistakes page where I list the mistakes I've made, explain why they are a problem, what I did to make amends, and what I can do going forward. I have concerns this is a terrible idea . So let's think this through....

What did I do? I made a 90 second video about how I like seeing ace friendships in fiction. I used Holly from Perfect Rhythm by Jae as an example. Holly is homoromantic asexual. She has an online aromantic asexual friend who has a QPR. She has an in person friend of unknown orientation who isn't very interested in dating. Aces don't exist in a vacuum. I like seeing ace-ace friendships. I like seeing an ace character's attitude toward dating can lead them to befriend someone with similar views. Can you spot the problem?