Mistake Analysis: June 2, 2020

 What did I do?


"And I feel like with other orientations there's not that much to research as far as I know? Like if you like the same gender, I don't know, there's not really nuance? Maybe there is? I don't know. If you have an opinion about that comment it."

Why is it a problem?
Although I catch myself and realize I don't know what I'm talking about - I have set it up that it would be new information to me if realizing you are gay was not inherently simpler than asexuality.

I was once upset by someone saying they didn't think it would be that hard or take that long to figure out you were asexual. I feel that seeing someone being skeptical of or struggle to comprehend the existance of your experience can be upsetting.

The phrasing also implies that all gay realizations are simple and all ace realizations are complex.

What can I do to make amends?
I changed the video to unlisted. The only way to view it now is in the context of this blog post. 

Here's an article that shows variety in how these women realized they were gay:

I'd also like to acknowledge the variety in ace realization experiences. The research binge is not a universal ace experience. Not all aces 1) have confusing experiences that prompt further research 2) use research to deal with said confusion 3) are interested in further research or prioritizing their sexuality in general.

What could I have said instead?
I could have not compared the ace realization experience to the queer alloallo experience. It's not necessary to my point of enjoying seeing the ace research binge in a story. 

If I felt a comparison was relevant, I could have used more nuance and done research first (reading, asking questions, a survey). 

What can I do going forward?
Try to avoid open speculation. Check for open speculation in the editing phase. Remove it, or go do research and refilm. 

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