CharCharChar

The March 2021 Carnival of Aces is dreams .  I love daydreaming even more than I love talking about writing. And you're right, this set up is not conducive to completing stories. But for now I'm enjoying the ride.  How characters connect with eachother in my daydreams varies. I've tapped into a dozen attraction types (yes there are a dozen or more), woven in boundary and expectation discussions, visualized hug positions and slow escalation of intimacy and breaking away and coming back together.  The bit that trips me up is - what do I want for myself? Do I want a person to sleep next to in bed? To lean against on the couch? To confide my emotional pain in? To split the chores with? To ask "how was your day"? To inform for the hundredth time how adorable my cat is? To take with me to family gatherings? I don't know.  Enjoying a daydream is a very shaky error-ridden blueprint for what would be enjoyed in reality.  In these quarantine times, I can't go out ...

The March Carnival of Aros is intersectionality and inclusivity .  I'm starting up a local Ace and Aro group . I've been meaning to do it for a while, and I'm getting the ball rolling again. Now is a great time to think about inclusivity. This post focuses on race, but the concepts can be applied to general inclusion of marginalized groups.  The Situation I'm white I'm starting a local ace and aro group I live in a city highly ranked for segregation. *cue the sad confetti* There is an assumption that asexuality/aromanticism/queerness is a "white thing"** Online spaces, queer spaces, and online queer spaces are often white-centric** **I don't recall specifically where I learned the last two points, or what evidence they had, but I believe these points to be true I'm not inventing the Wheel I'm not in this alone. I don't have to figure out how to be inclusive by sitting around with my thoughts.  The  White Supremacy Culture Characteristics ...

Which types of represention do you like or dislike? Why are different types of representation meaningful to you? If you write, which types of representation do you use? What if your character has multiple identities? What about main characters vs. leads vs. bystanders? What are the benefits and risks of different types of representation? Are there more types not listed here? CharCharChar's (ever evolving) Degrees of Representation The following list is in order of author effort (research, page time, sensitivity readers and revision), not importance.  Head Canon: a character's identity is left unspecified, and is able to be headcanoned by fans as having a certain identity  Implied: a character could be interpreted as having a certain identity  Word of God: a character has been claimed outside the work as having a certain identity  Exists: a character is coded or labeled as having a certain identity       ...

Disclaimer: theories of marginalization and privilege.  The November Carnival of Aces prompt is Invisible Activism . My interpretation of this prompt is a smidge roundabout, so hold on to something. A key part of activism is understanding the needs and concerns of everyone in the community you advocate for, including those whose experiences and intersections are invisible (or low visibility).  Spectrum of Visibility Identities and experiences exist on a spectrum of visibility. Their noticeability may shift over time and can be affected by your choice to disclose, how you express yourself, where you are, who you spend time with, and more.  I choose to speak frequently about asexuality, which increases the visibility of this identity.  The low visibility of my gender is a choice I make and could change in the future. My health conditions are classified as "invisible illnesses," however their visibilities fluctuate. They become more noticeable as a symptoms flare up ...

Timely Questions Will you participate in or support Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week (ASAW) in February? How? What can you do with this time to prepare? Who can you collaborate with? Who can you follow or promote? Do you have a goal for 2021 related to being an ally? A group project? A resource? An area to learn more about? What are future opportunities you have to be an ally?  What is an ally mistake you have made in the past? Why was it a problem? What did you do to make amends? What can you do going forward? Ally Questions What advice would you give to others on being an ally? What does being an ally mean? Do you have an example of someone being a good ally to you? What ally practices do you hold to? Have there been times when it was difficult to be an ally, or you were not sure how to be an ally? Where could you find support or advice? Being Ace and an Ally Does being ace affect how you are an ally? What would you ask from allies outside the ace community? How can the ace c...

When I first read Brandon Sanderson's announcement about an asexual character , I noted three things: especially in the larger context of queerbaiting, I thought it was very respectful to his fans to acknowledge possible disappointment and explain the decision he has sensitivity readers and mentioned the decision was based on how the character feels (which means this wasn't a quick grab for diversity points) the character seems* to deprioritize their asexuality, which is an ace experience that I am happy is getting representation I was happily spreading the word, when someone countered that this was disrespecting the character's wishes and used a quote from the very article I'd just read and shared. “______ would prefer you focus on other aspects of [their] identity, rather than [their] sexuality.” I've gone down a rabbit hole thinking about this, and haven't entirely made up my mind. So here's a set of questions to get your head spinning too.  ...

I produce a lot of words. Between journaling, brainstorming, blogging, and fiction it's generally 2000 to 5000 words a day, unless I'm in a bad mood. And even then, I'll usually hit 500 to 1000.  But the human body (especially one with a bucket of health issues includuing mysterious recurring voice loss 🥳 ) is not meant to produce that many words using one method only. So, I rotate between typing, dictating, and handwriting.  I have found that speech-to-text programs are not great with a sonero concepts ... hold on ... a send arrow concepts... sigh ... ACE&ARO concepts. You see what I mean? The problem is not just that the words are replaced with a similar sounding phrase that you could puzzle out. The problem is that the program will take the confusing sounds and try to blend them into surrounding words or split them into one-syllable words that fit the predicted sentence structure, but no longer resemble the sounds you made. After which the sentence is distorted ...

I was stressing out about writing a careful and nuanced post about words having boundaries, and the ethics of label policing, and power dynamics and harm, and determining valid harm from manufactured harm - when I decided to chill instead. So, let's chill. [Image: a cloud and blue sky] Breathe in. Breathe out. Feel where your body touches the surfaces that support it. If you're comfortable doing so, close your eyes.  You might not be able read with your eyes closed. If so, don't close your eyes.   Hear the sound of the rain. Hear it splatter and ping on different surfaces. Hear it trickle over the curb and merge into a tiny stream. Smell the wet asphalt. Shiver as the rain pulls the temperature down a few degrees. Hear the thunder rumble overhead. Count and hold your breath. One one thousand, two one thousand, three. See the lightning flash in the distance.  Look up and see thin metal ribbing branching out under a purple nylon canopy.  [Image: ...

Cross-posted on  Asexual Agenda . Lately I have been struggling with “ethical perfectionism” with my aspec content. It’s like regular perfectionism where it’s hard to start and then it’s hard to finish, but with the fun twist of using ethics to justify the behavior. Afterall, it’s not untrue that a degree of double-checking before you share is important in aspec spaces where nuance keeps the peace. And peace is good. I like peace. It’s not that I worry people will disagree with what I create, it’s that if I accidentally erase or invalidate someone I am very aware of how much that hurts. Then there’s an unpleasant jumble of “I caused pain” and “someone dislikes me” and “they are right to dislike me” and “I failed to not cause pain”. But I can’t predict what I don’t know, and if I don’t know I’m erasing or invalidating you, then I can’t prevent myself from doing it. And rereading and revising a piece doesn’t magically make me aware of that which I don’t yet know. It’s not that I wo...

Disclaimer: I am not a professional.  The following exercises and advice I have pick up or made up along my own journey practicing self care when writing from negative experience. Take care of yourself. Check in with your emotions before, during, and after these exercises. You are responsible for your emotional health. Be kind to yourself. Image is Page 1 of CharCharChar's "Self Care when Writing from Negative Experience"  PDF version of this blog post. Self Care  Schedule time for self-care after writing the hardest scenes. A video call with a friend.  A light hearted movie you’ve been looking forward to. An art project. Play a writing game. Hydrate. Avoid writing about painful topics in the last several hours before you sleep. Don’t write painful topics in the room you sleep in, and definitely not in bed. Your mind associates activities with places. Protect your sleeping space from negative memories that could make it difficult to rest. Set a time limit on your w...

Content Warning: mentions of aphobia, trauma, elitism, illness. "What thoughts do you have that you want others in the ace community to know about?" I fear I'm going to do ace rep wrong, that I'll never be free of internalized aphobia, that I'm rewriting my self-expression to be normal and popular and selling the lie to myself. Why is m/m ace romance my favorite combo when I'm AFAB agender aro ace? Did society get in my head and make me like that - make me think that's ideal and fun and what I want to express without realizing that's not me?  I fear that the me I express would hurt the community because I am a sickly, traumatized, emotion avoider and want to pour those aspects of who I am into my story along with my asexuality. I want to strip away the "pathetic" parts of who I am and leave only asexuality, fill in the gaps with the tempered shmexiness of slow burn m/m ace romance.  I fear that I'll trigger the elitists, that I'll f...