Taking Space from Toxic Ace Spaces

Carnival of Aces: February 2021

When I saw the prompt “comparing ace spaces,” I winced. There’s an issue I’ve been wanting to discuss (and this is the perfect prompt for it), but I'm worried saying anything will invite drama. I’m not a fan of drama. So, I will refrain from giving specifics about incidents and spaces, and I ask you, dear reader, to not comment your guesses.

The issue is – I feel some ace spaces are toxic. And I don't mean toxic for everyone. Some spaces can be unhealthy, unwelcoming, or uncomfortable for certain people or certain identities to be in. 

I’m not here to call out specific spaces.

I shared with friends why I was anxious to write this blog post. The recurring response was that this was an important topic that needs to be written about. (This did not reduce my anxiety 😑 )

As a self-compromise, I thought I would broadly list issues that I have experienced or that others have told me about.

• minimized or ignored discrimination/bias: racism, ableism, etc.
• invalidation (and open mocking) of gray, demi, microlabels, sex-favorable, etc.
• polarization - a demonization, or assumption of ignorance, of any disagreement or questioning of the group's majority belief - and that such disagreement itself may be interpretted as rulebreaking
• policies and practices that are unfriendly toward or confusing to neurodivergent people
• open and undiscouraged mocking or dislike of "normally/sometimes" privileged groups (religious beliefs, sex positivity, romance positivity).
• mods with insufficient training who may escalate situations, minimize concerns, be selective in when to enforce rules, etc.

This is by no means a conclusive list. Some of these are a general internet or communication issues, but they're still relevant so I'm listing them. 

Resource

Here is a direct link to the list of aspec communities in Aspec Databases, Lists, and Resources. There are many spaces out there to get support and connection. You have the power to leave spaces that drain you, make you feel uncomfortable, or distress you. 

Comment or email me at CharCharCharAce@gmail.com if you would like to suggest more aspec (or ace or aro or agender or aplatonic) communitites or ways of finding communities for me to add to the list.