Taking Space from Toxic Ace Spaces

Carnival of Aces: February 2021

When I saw the prompt “comparing ace spaces,” I winced. There’s an issue I’ve been wanting to discuss (and this is the perfect prompt for it), but I'm worried saying anything will invite drama. I’m not a fan of drama. So, I will refrain from giving specifics about incidents and spaces, and I ask you, dear reader, to not comment your guesses.

The issue is – I feel some ace spaces are toxic. And I don't mean toxic for everyone. Some spaces can be unhealthy, unwelcoming, or uncomfortable for certain people or certain identities to be in. 

I’m not here to call out specific spaces.

I shared with friends why I was anxious to write this blog post. The recurring response was that this was an important topic that needs to be written about. (This did not reduce my anxiety 😑 )

As a self-compromise, I thought I would broadly list issues that I have experienced or that others have told me about.

  • minimized or ignored discrimination/bias: racism, ableism, etc.
  • invalidation (and open mocking) of gray, demi, microlabels, sex-favorable, etc.
  • polarization - a demonization, or assumption of ignorance, of any disagreement or questioning of the group's majority belief - and that such disagreement itself may be interpretted as rulebreaking
  • policies and practices that are unfriendly toward or confusing to neurodivergent people
  • open and undiscouraged mocking or dislike of "normally/sometimes" privileged groups (religious beliefs, sex positivity, romance positivity).
  • mods with insufficient training who may escalate situations, minimize concerns, be selective in when to enforce rules, etc.
This is by no means a conclusive list. Some of these are a general internet or communication issues, but they're still relevant so I'm listing them. 

Resource

Here is a direct link to the list of aspec communities in Aspec Databases, Lists, and Resources. There are many spaces out there to get support and connection. You have the power to leave spaces that drain you, make you feel uncomfortable, or distress you. 

Comment or email me at CharCharCharAce@gmail.com if you would like to suggest more aspec (or ace or aro or agender or aplatonic) communitites or ways of finding communities for me to add to the list. 

Comments

  1. I have personal experience with some of the problems you named here, although it doesn't sound like you were inviting personal testimony. Some of these also happen to be topics that have been written about in more detail before, and here are a few examples:

    Vesper's APOC Resources, which includes some thoughts on racism in the community
    https://queerascat.tumblr.com/apoc-resources

    The June 2015 Carnival of Aces, which includes some thoughts on ableist assumptions in the community
    https://prismaticentanglements.com/2015/07/04/june-2015-carnival-of-aces-round-up-mental-health/

    Elizabeth's reflections on accessibility in the community, which includes some thoughts on the inaccessibility of Discord
    https://prismaticentanglements.com/2020/08/31/increasing-accessibility-part-1-virtual-meetups/

    I would also add another, similar type of problem to the list here: using ace survivors of sexual violence as rhetorical devices. Queenie's series on that is from 2015, but it's something I've directly encountered more recently, too, so the problem still seems to be an ongoing one.
    https://asexualagenda.wordpress.com/tag/ace-survivors-as-rhetorical-devices/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Note: that wasn't meant to be an anonymous comment, but Blogger isn't giving me a name field or showing anything despite forcing me to use a Google account to comment, so for the record -- this is Coyote

      Delete
    2. Thank you so much for sharing these links.

      Delete
    3. (The above comment thanking you for the links was from CharCharChar)

      Delete

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