Aspec In-Fighting: A Suggestion

Content Warnings: Aspec in-fighting, erasure, arophobia, policing expression.

What is something you believe we as a community could start doing immediately to work towards certain kinds of change?

[Image: a chart with two lines with upward trends, but the purple line is steeper than the green.]


With Asexual Awareness on the rise, I'm sensing some Aros feel left behind - or even pushed under the bus when (as a hypothetical) an Ace emphasizes their romantic feelings, as if to say romance is the true measure of humanity, not sex, therefore I (the Ace) am human. 

As an aroace, I'm watching this rift from the sidelines. So here's my quasi-objective take.

[Image: a white person looking through binoculars while crouched between two stacks of books.]


In defense of Allo-Aces, it is human to defend yourself against people percieving you as inhuman. It is human to grab at obvious and easily-understood evidence of your humanity. It is human not to think through who you are indirectly harming as you defend yourself. It is human to feel defensive when those you indirectly harmed call you out. 

#notallalloaces

In defense of Allo-Aros, you have a right to ask people to phrase their defenses in a way that doesn't throw you under the bus. You have a right to be emotional about being thrown under the bus - even though said emotion can get in the way of communication. 

#notallalloaros

[Image: a scribbled ball of black crayon marks]



It is an ethical quagmire to balance freely expressing yourself agaist the educational burden of including acespec, repulsed to favorable, and aromantic while not promoting stereotypes (even if it's true to you). I like to imagine that one day in the not too distant future, when Aspec Awareness is commonplace, there will be less pressure on aspec creators to be nuanced.

But that day is not yet here.
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While I'm not telling Allo-Aros to stop giving Allo-Aces constructive criticism, I would interject that amplifying Aro voices/rep is better at boosting Aromantic Awareness than asking certain Allo-Aces to change how they talk about our communities (and they might not listen).  

Here are ways you can amplify Aro voices/rep:

  1. Email me (CharCharCharAce@gmail.com) suggestions of aro-specific or aro-inclusive lists of aspec creators, works, events, and communities for me to add to Aspec Databases and Lists. You could even create your own aro list and ask me to link to it.


    [Image: The "Aspec Databases Lists Reviews by CharCharChar" banner image]

  2. Watch and Share video's from Nik Hampshire's "being aromantic (while not being asexual)" series.
    [Image: video thumbnail of Nik Hampshire]

  3. Explore and Share Allo-Aro tumblrs from this directory.
  4. Enjoy and Share Arospec Zines.
    [Image: A picture of the cover of the "ARO SPEC 101" zine.]
  5. Play and Share Stone, an interactive aromantic poem by Penny Stirling


  6. Watch and Share I like you. (an aromantic poem) by kaihugstrees


    [Image: video thumbnail of kaihugstress]

  7. Participate in the Carnival of Aros.


  8. Volunteer for the Aromantic-spectrum Union for Recognition, Education, and Advocacy (AUREA). They need representatives, translators, contributors, and web developers.

    [Image: AUREA logo. A circle, an arrow with the aromantic flag colors, and the letters AUREA.]





For Carnival of Aros: September 2020: Original prompt post

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