The Fire: Aro Tunes Thursday

Happy Aro Tunes Thursday! A weekly call on Aggresively Arospec's Tumbr for songs that "make you feel proudy arospec" or "you feel like claiming for the community for no particular reason."

The original intention of Aro Tunes Thursday is to submit songs to Aggresively Arospec and see all the songs others submitted. But I like to dig deeper into the lyrics and why they hold meaning to me.

I make no commitment to the frequency or duration of this series. It depends on if I run across a song I'm inspired to write about. 💚

[Image: Polaris album cover. Dimly lit purple flowers against a black background.]

I've been listening to "The Fire" by "Eclipses for Eyes" on repeat this week. At first it was just a song with a tempo and angst-level that fit my there's-a-US-election-with-big-and-lasting-impact-and-I-control-nothing mood. I didn't think too much about the lyrics until the refrain got stuck in my head.

"The fire inside of me is brighter than the one around me ... Our fire is brighter"

I started imagining that the "fire inside of me" is my true feelings and desires, "the one around me" is societal expectations, and "brighter" represents how I am now more confident and aware of my aromanticism despite the amatonormativity surrounding me. 

I didn't notice the "our fire" line until I sat down to write this blog post, but I like the implication. That it's not just me with an I-am-who-I-am-despite-expectations fire inside me. It's lots of people.

[Image: a GIF of a grey silhouette on a black background with smaller orange and yellow fire in the foreground. There is a larger animated green fire on the grey silhouette.]

Disclaimer: That's all the positivity you're getting. The rest is aro struggles, with a teeny blip of not blaming myself. 

"All this time and my heart is hurting. Sick tired but the flames still burning"

Amatonormativy sucks. Though I didn't understand it at the time, looking back I understand that a fair portion of my directionless angst was from being aromantic and not having the concept of aromanticism to comprehend my experience through. 

I especially relate to "sick tired" because it's exhausting feeling like you don't fit and not understanding what to do about it, and "still burning" because amatonormativity is always and everywhere. Another interpretation of "still burning" could be how my true feelings never died no matter how much I misinterpreted or ignored them. 

"Time is flying by, can't seem to keep up. Why does it feel like I'm in slow motion?"

This line makes me think of how I felt behind in high school where it felt like almost all my peers either were dating or wanted to be dating. "Slow motion" makes me me think of how not understanding the references and interests of those around you can feel like they are all talking fast and at the same speed and comprehension - but then I come in late with a pieced-together interpretation. 

"Shame on me for focusing on what is physical. I know it's only temporary ... Could've done better ... Should've known better. Superficial."

I don't relate to this verse. I don't feel I could have done better or should have known better by not experimenting with or caving to romantic relationships in the past. Some people figure out that their feelings are valid on their own without knowing it's an experience shared by others. This wasn't me, and I don't blame myself for that. 

I understand that 1) there's a low chance this song is about aromanticism and that this verse is about past romantic relatinoships 2) there probably are aromantics out there who feel shame or regret around their past decisions to be in romantic relationships. 

"I have to promise myself I won't lose hope. 'Cause if it gets the best of me I'm down a slippery slope"

This is a loose connection, but these lines had me imagining the decision point of yes or no when confronted with the option to enter a romantic relationship. Saying "yes" would mean letting amatonormativy get the best of me and going down the slippery slope of entering romantic relationships, slowly noticing I'm not reciprocating the same feelings they are giving, but not having a reason that I feel is valid enough to leave