Happy Aro Tunes Thursday! A weekly call on Aggresively Arospec's Tumbr for songs that "make you feel proudy arospec" or "you feel like claiming for the community for no particular reason."
The original intention of Aro Tunes Thursday is to submit songs to Aggresively Arospec and see all the songs others submitted. But I'm in the mood to dig deep into the lyrics and why they hold meaning to me. Maybe I'll do this on future Thursdays too.
[Image: The album cover of "Fake It" by Seether. A mildly spooky face on a dark background.]
(TW: sexy dancing/clothes)
I remember listening to this song during a winter break from college. I was nannying out of state, which led to a surreal out-of-my-norm repition of pushing a stroller on bright warm winter days over pristine sidewalks, shaded by tall smooth walls and seems-fake-to-me palm trees. I'd pivot the stroller around hedges and black metal fences. I'd peek to check the baby was happy or sleeping.
All the while I'd be listening to "Fake It" on repeat, resonating with the lyrics.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "And you should know that the lies won't hide your flaws
No sense in hiding all of yours
You gave up on your dreams along the way"
This stanza makes me think about how "acting normal" doesn't work. People still see that you are different. So why work so hard to hide that you are different? Focusing on being "normal" has distracted you from your true goals.
"I can fake with the best of anyone
I can fake with the best of 'em all
I can fake with the best of anyone
I can fake it all"
This stanza is fun. I take some pride in my ability to "fake it." Sure it wasn't good for me, and it wasn't good for the people I dated, but it is a skill and it took decades to develop.
"Who's to know if your soul will fade at all
The one you sold to fool the world
You lost your self-esteem along the way"
This stanza makes me think about how faking so much can leave you feeling hollow. That self-esteem is comfort in who you are, and if you are faking everything that self-esteem dwindles and dies. Or vice-versa, that low self-esteem (from not seeing any examples of people who feel like you do) leads to all the faking.
The idea of selling your soul to fool the world felt very real to me, in that I compromise who I am when I play at being normal. I also love how "the one you sold" implies that maybe you have other souls. I latched on to the idea that it's not known if faking will fade your soul or not. Just because I feel empty, doesn't mean there's not a back up soul or my soul has been there all along and wasn't damaged by all the faking.
(I'm an atheist, so I'm using soul to mean sense of self / your genuine self)
"Good god you're coming up with reasons
Good god you're dragging it out
Good god it's the changing of the seasons
I feel so *****
Man, follow me down"
When I first listened to this song, I didn't notice the word I've censored. But that's no longer a word I can casually listen to and not have my mood impacted. Though I can understand (if not fully support) using such a violent ravaging word to explain the hurt of prolonged faking.
When I first listened to this song, I remember thinking about how as a teen I was "coming up with reasons" and "dragging it out" in how I'd fake niceties and be exhausted and disconnected.
Looking back now, I roll my eyes at my early-20's self, because before more dating would have been a great time to take to heart the message to stop justifying and prolonging the faking. But no, you thought "what a great message" and then kept on habitually faking. 🤦
"Fake it if you're out of direction
Fake it if you don't belong here
Fake it if you feel like affection
Woah you're such a fucking hypocrite"
These reasons to fake it clicked with me. Being aromantic (especially with no examples of how to go about your life while aromantic) feels like being directionless. It's uncomfortable not to belong. And receiving affection can be nice (though often awkward).
I didn't "fake it" to trick people. I faked it to escape the discomfort of existing in a space that didn't fit me.
I like the hypocrite line because I've been in a long-and-lingering battle with my self-image where it's important to me to see myself as a nice person, but where are the boundaries between faking being a nice person and genuinely being a nice person and who I really am?
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I had a lot of fun digging into these lyrics. (Just don't tell the blog post I was supposed to be working on.) I hope I make more Aro Tunes Thursday posts.
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